Leading by listening

The biggest barrier to communication is the urge to judge, and people overestimate how clearly their own message lands.

Readings

Carl R. Rogers and F. J. Roethlisberger · Harvard Business Review, 1991 (first published 1952)

Listen with understanding: restate the other person’s view to their satisfaction before you reply.

The main barrier is our tendency to evaluate what we hear, right away, from our own frame.
The gateway is listening to understand the other person’s frame, not to rebut it.
A simple rule: before you speak, summarize what they said until they agree you got it.
Doing this takes courage, because you may be changed by what you hear.

Lab 09.A

Imagine you tap the rhythm of Happy Birthday on a table. Out of 40 listeners, how many name the song?

Your guess, out of 4020 of 40

Lab 09.B

They sayI’m frustrated that the client changed scope again and nobody pushed back.

They sayI don’t think I’m ready to lead the call next week.

Rogers and Roethlisberger

S09

Restate their view to their satisfaction before you reply.

Barrier	The urge to evaluate from your own frame
Gateway	Understand from their frame
Rule	Summarize until they agree you got it
Cost	You may be changed by what you hear

Gilovich and colleagues

S09

We think our inner state and meaning show more than they do.

Tapping study	Tappers predicted 50% of songs named. Listeners got 2.5%.
At work	A clear message to you can land as noise to them.
Fix	Ask people to say back what they heard.

Q1Rogers says the main barrier to communication is

Q2In the tapping study, tappers expected listeners to name about half the songs. Listeners got

Q3The illusion of transparency is

0 of 3 answered.